Welcome To The Convent

----Having been cornered in a Paris alley by Javert and his cronies (who have figured out that Valjean is alive), Valjean scales a building with Cosette and lands in the back garden of a convent. The problem is, the nuns in this convent are super discriminated against men, are sticklers for ritual and self-denial, and are so extreme in their beliefs they are almost a cult. (If anyone's read Percy Jackson, these nuns are like the Hunters of Artemis, only older and more extreme.) So Valjean and the illegitimate child aren't welcome.

----But here to save the day is Fauchelevant, an elderly gardener whose life Valjean once saved. He tells the Mother Superior that his brother, aka Valjean, and his niece are coming to help with the garden work, and she reluctantly agrees to let them stay. However, Valjean is stuck in the back garden, and needs to come in through the front door to be believed. He can't sneak through the building, so he and Fauchelevant hatch a plan.

----Cosette will hide in a basket and be delivered by the gardener to a safe place until she is needed. Valjean, being six foot something, is harder, and ends up hiding in an empty coffin during a funeral parade. Fauchelevant distracts the gravedigger, but only after several shovelfuls of earth have already been dug. He opens the coffin; Jean Valjean is pale and his eyes are closed, causing Fauchelevant to launch into a two page monologue about the briefness of life.

----But then he looks down, and... Valjean's eyes are open! " To behold death is terrifying, and to see a sudden restoration is nearly as much so. Fauchelevant became cold and white[...] not knowing whether he had the living or the dead to deal with, stared down at Jean Valjean, who in turn stared at him.
----"I was falling asleep," said Jean Valjean."

----Understatement of the year! Valjean, you scared me!
----Although, I guess I should know better than to panic. Heroes are given epic deaths; no one cares about a character who dies quietly without dialogue or thoughts divulged to the reader. We didn't read his mind, so he wouldn't have died. Still.... yikes!